The Reluctant Red Nose

The other day I left my house early to go open my store. Rather than the hiway I take what is called in my town, as the parkway. The parkway is where everyone bikes and runs and walks and it goes through our town. It’s lovely and we live close to one section of it.

As I drove up this “parkway” I saw the local cross country team running. It brought tears to my eyes. I hope we never look at life the way we used to again.

I hope when we can say goodbye to masks that we will look at faces again. I hope that we will enjoy a handshake. I trust we will hug even on days we don’t feel like it. I hope that we will have more people over…and enjoy crowds when we didn’t before. I miss the roar of a stadium. I miss even being crowded in a stadium. I miss the smell of hotdogs and I miss even the people that would sit right by me at the movie theatre even though there were so many seats wide open!!! 😬😬😬🤦🏼‍♀️

I long to see the yellow buses and hear the kids screaming and yelling at one another . I long to see playgrounds with kids playing on them.

I miss not having to read a book on every business door before entering so I know the rules.

I miss being able to visit other states without having to worry if I’m in one of the states that’s considered a “risk”.

What I do enjoy is seeing the good that people do for one another. How they support the businesses in their community. I like how many friends have come by our store to offer support. That means the world to us.

I see the fright in our customers eyes. We are doing our best with social distancing and masks and sanitized pens…but as I listen to how my staff speaks to our clients…I love them a little more. That’s exactly how I want to be treated when I go somewhere….like I matter.

That has been the hardest part of covid. The interaction between humans being taken away. That is what makes us human….and when that’s gone, it causes serious problems.

I am cautious. not frightened. I am careful but not over the top.

I do my best to keep myself, my children, my staff and my customers safe….but in the end…we can’t live in fear.

It’s true, this week I could get Covid…I could also die in a car accident..I could be told I have stage 4 cancer. Nothing is promised…but if I’m living in constant fear am I really living?

Right now there is huge debate about going back to school. I have one in college…and one I homeschool. However. Homeschooling for us does not mean staying at home all day everyday. We have lots of activities and we meet with lots of people. I personally feel that your children, your choice…you know what’s best for them and others need to just simmer down.

Sadly, fighting occurs if you state your opinion differently than others. Your called all sorts of lovely names if you disagree. I have unfollowed so many people lately. I hardly have any friends left…but it was stealing my peace.

I have said from the beginning of this nightmare to turn off the news…and now Facebook where all the “experts” reign. Where they back up “facts” with more “Facebook facts”.

I for now, await the day for the yellow buses and children yelling…and playgrounds being played on and children singing. I look forward to seeing people’s faces and shaking their hands….and I hope we will never forget…when we could not do that….and never take it for granted….again.

For now….we enjoy the “cozy”….and for what brings….peace.

Tuesday, I went down to help my son move Into his first apartment. He will be a junior in college and I canNOT believe how fast the time has gone.

It was so exciting to watch his excitement of walking into his new apartment for the first time and being so excited about his new opportunity. After such disappointment this year, it made the sweet surprise even sweeter.

He was the first one to call me Mom. The first one to make me feel that my life mattered…the first one to teach me to love unconditionally. As a mom who started out married to her dream partner…and then that marriage going down Into flames, to then that partner dying unexpectedly in a car crash. I had more on my plate than I thought possible and learned to grow up quickly.

I will never regret my choice in leaving someone who was cheating on me…and protecting my son from growing up in an environment where I was being completely disrespected….but I think…along the way…I sometimes have lost myself.

As a boss I’ve learned this of late…and I’m not sure how to overcome it. Growing up, I was the kid that was always talking and always cracking jokes. I was always in trouble and my grades were never all As and usually A, B and Cs…and honestly, that was fine with me.

I noticed people’s mistakes…but kept them to myself…because I did not want to hurt others feelings….however, I’ve noticed that no one seems to give me the same respect.

I’ve walked into houses and places of business and found the positive of whatever I can…because let’s be real…not everyone has the same amazing taste as you do 😬😬😬 . I would walk into these homes and compliment them…but I would then have people who would walk into my home and point out all my faults. 😱😱😱😱

Turning 46, has made me a bit more fiesty. I’m here to stay. Why do I need constant approval from someone? Why do I not feel worthy unless someone states how good I am in clowning, homeschooling, jewelry owner….why!?

I don’t think I’m alone…I think a lot of us feel unappreciated…and unloved…but everyone knows that to feel that way makes you selfish, and insecure…

I see people do this on a social media platform…ask people why they like them..or if they are good enough….

I believe we all need a cheerleader….but some days we all haveto learn how to give ourselves a great butt kicking.

I am here to tell you that I’m tired. Just because I don’t point all your faults, does not make me weak. I have a horrible habit of stuffing down the feelings …and then when someone has lit my last fuse…I just lose it.

I don’t think I’m alone…:I keep my mouth shut a lot…and since I talk a lot that can be a challenge.

Are you someone that people walk over! You hate to have conflict!?

We women are strong and courageous…but sometimes we forget that.

Just because we don’t point out those that make mistakes doesn’t mean we don’t notice it.

Just because we let someone talk over us doesn’t mean we have nothing to say. We are just allowing someone to speak. Just because I don’t say I disagree, doesn’t mean I don’t.

The person who deletes her comment on Facebook instead of getting into a huge fight on a friends Facebook…is a strong person .

The one who can be called an insulting name or is given the finger while driving and doesn’t yell back or drive so close to their bumper you want to invite them in, is a strong person.

When I’m 80…I want to be the person that still makes people smile…but also a little afraid. I want them to wonder what I’m gonna do next.

I wanna be the lady with the outfit that shows I’ve still got it…but if you don’t like it, it’s clear I don’t care.

I want to spoil grandchildren and teach them all the annoying things my kids did…I want them to grow up happy and full of sass. I want to see my son become a dad…and be happy.

Growing up can be hard. Watching your kids grow up is even harder. Letting them go has been the hardest part. Offering advice when only asked is a constant battle. Never asking too many questions is growing harder to maintain.

Wherever you are in the growing up process. Enjoy where you are…and don’t overwhelmed by their failures…or too puffed up about their successes.

Wishing everyone a safe and happy school year.

Oh…Facebook. You have shown why the world would be a better place without you…but we all continue.

Tonight, I disagreed with someone on sending our kids back to school. I personally think it’s a good idea, unless the child has some underlying issues. I did not call anyone names…but yet I was called an imbecile. When I asked for them to back up their comment with data that it’s dangerous for the children without underlying conditions to return to school…I was told that I was an imbecile for even asking.

Most states have made it where parents have a choice…so really…there shouldn’t be any problem right now…but tensions are high and people are scared.

I remember when we could have discussions and come to different conclusions, and still remain friends. I remember being told I was wrong. That being backed up with fact. And even though I didn’t like it…I accepted that.

Now, we have become these brave soldiers that like to spew hatred and call someone am imbecile because we don’t agree with them?

The actual definition of an imbecile is:

A stupid person.

So, because I disagree with an unproven opinion….I’m stupid? When asked for facts that would prove that I was stupid by my comment…his comment was that “imbeciles ask for data. And that shows what an imbecile I am.”

Whatever happened to listening to one another? Whatever happened to having a conversation where we bring an actual fact to the table and discuss it…why all the division?

I remember when disputes were over baseball fans and who would win the World series . I remember when we all talked about the best barbecue in town and why. I remember when we as Americans would help each other out…or really wasn’t that long ago.

I feel covid ruined us. It made hardworking people lazy. Small businesses lost their staff and had to rehire and retrain. Kids are now watching themselves and made to be afraid. Sex trafficking is at an all time high…and we are still fighting over a disease with a 99.67 recovery rate?

Why?

Can we all just try to be kind? No agenda…

Can we try to imagine what another may be going through and see them where they are?

Can we quit assuming how everyone is doing and realize that there is great suffering and most of us are just stuffing it.

I can be wrong a lot. However, I do admit it when I’ve made a mistake….please don’t let me be wrong about humanity. Please tell me we haven’t given up on one another…please tell me we all still care…whether we agree with one another or not.

I’m not sure when this idea that everyone must like me became a real source of irritation. I do not remember caring in high school..but honestly, high school was such a horrible experience I probably blocked it out.

I remember being angry…and very frustrated. The school I attended wasn’t really big on dishing out self esteem. They were much better at telling you all your faults each day and every day….several times a day…but moving forward.

I believe after my first husband died that that is when this strange need for people to like me and understand me really started.

Imagine my dismay, when he died, all of the glorious women who had such negative things to say to me. That’s when I realized…I was never going to be good enough for everyone. I was always going to displease someone.

It’s sooo easy to sit in our houses and on our phones and pass out judgement to strangers. I find myself watching my favorite instagram influencers and thinking how easy they must have it in life…when I truly only have about fifteen minutes of their entire day.

I looked back on my life and I see decisions and standards that I had that were ridiculous…but at the time I thought I was making the right decision.

It’s easy to say what we all would have done in a situation we have never been in.

What exactly would you have done as a single mother whose soon to be ex husband died in a car crash unexpectedly? What would you do with a family that treated you in a manner you never saw coming? How would you be a good mother? How would you pick up the pieces? Would you date again? Would you remarry? Would you marry someone with children and blend your families? How would you do that?

Would you move to a strange town and away from your family and friends forever? Would you change your whole life for an existence you had no idea how it would be? How exactly would you maneuver your way through?

Sometimes you might see my purple hair and demeanor and think you know me…but you do not.

Many have no idea of all the different hats I wear…how many burdens I carry…and how that if you poke me enough I most certainly will bleed.

However, I don’t know anymore of those things about you. I don’t see you cry in your pillow at night. I don’t see you drive to work gritting your teeth. I don’t know the employees that have needs and the children constantly having needs…and your house…and all the things….but I see what we as women do to each other.

Someone is pretty or has had five kids and has no stretch marks and instead of saying how amazing they look…we say “they must get help with her kids and I bet she has an eating disorder.” Someone runs a successful business and we assume that life just goes easy for them. Someone stays at home with their kids and we respond “must be nice”. Meanwhile we know absolutely NOTHING about the person in which we are speaking.

There will always be people with an agenda against me…it’s always amazed me. I’m not some powerful person that is gorgeous and successful so why people care I don’t know…but nevertheless I have had people attack me and tell lies. People block me and tell others stories that never happened.

I used to get so worked up. I just wanted to tell my story and be able to explain myself….but I’m finally coming to the conclusion….that if you truly know me…you will know what’s true and what’s a lie.

I love how women assume…and even when when they find out the truth I rarely hear them going back and correcting the lies they just told. We seem easy on the lies…but difficult to state when we have egg on our faces.

If my husband said I could do whatever I wanted…I would chose the weirdest occupation ever…I would clown every week, make soap and dive into homeschooling way more than I do. I would volunteer more, clown more, clean more….and perhaps finally start working out again. I might even start a greenhouse…and learn how To cook amazing new dishes. However, that’s gonna have to wait…and I’m gonna have to enjoy what is.

Right now there is a strong woman that I really like going through a very public divorce. Everyone has an expert opinion on her life…and what she should do…and who made the mistake…but unless you’ve walked the ugly road of separation and divorce and had kids and had to watch things you never will forget then just be quiet…I beg you.

If you’ve ever had to watch the love of your life get into your family car…tear down the sun kid visors of the family car and listen to your child scream for his daddy to come back while banging on the glass front door, then maybe you “get” me.

If you’ve ever had a man cheat on you, refuse to give you child support…then go ahead….tell me what I did wrong. If you have ever in your life had the flu and had a two year old and no one to help you…then go ahead…explain it all again.

We as women seem to have a problem with being able to support one another even in the darkest times of each other’s lives. We seem to surround one another like sharks going after the weak…waiting for the scent of blood. What happened to just sitting there and being still? I had friends who came and stayed with me the night my first husband died….those girls..those women…know every rotten thing about me…and yet…they showed up.

Those of us that have been burned, refuse to get close again…refuse to share any secrets…because we’ve been down the road of secrets being told. Trust being broken..lies, once again told about us…so we back onto our garages. We forgo ladies night out. We keep our secrets to ourselves in fear…and we stuff all our problems right back down.

We make perfect squares on instagram and starve ourselves to be a perfect size. We worry about how we look and dress and what we drive…and are terrified that someone will see us being “real”.

I’ve done it…and I have realized that no matter how hard I try..and how perfect of a life I try to have. Someone, somewhere, and somehow…is going to have something bad to say about me….and I’ve decided….I just can’t care anymore.

If you want to believe lies…that’s your issue not mine. If you want to discuss me at great length and tell lies to others… I can’t stop you. I try to remember the advice I gave my 13 year old and my 20 year old.

God is the one you answer to…no one else. If He wouldn’t approve of what you do, then you need to stop. Money pays the bills but integrity helps you sleep at night. Those that speak lies of others and poke fun of others actually have low self esteem themselves. No one wants to hurt others when they feel good about themselves.

I continue to pray for good friends…who I can be real with…who like me for me. Who refuse to believe lies or get caught up in them.

This lifetime is too short to worry what others think of us!

Go do you sister!

Lately, I have become weary…so weary I can’t even make tears come.

I walked into my local Hobby Lobby today to get some art supplies for my daughter, who has an upcoming art show with our local art museum and the homeschool community. It was raining horribly…and I was sighing to myself because I had to get my bag, my umbrella, my mask…my hand sanitizer…all the things.🤦🏼‍♀️

I walked into the store…saying all the things to myself.

1. I need to be grateful I can go to this store.

2. I need to be thankful that I have money to buy supplies with.

3. I am so happy to find the supplies we need…

Honestly, I wasn’t feeling it..

I wear a mask every day due to my customers wear one, then we wear one…and honestly, I do not mind…but today…I felt it with every fiber of my being.

I noticed a couple of things that made me soo sad that I almost had to pull my cart over and have a little cry right next to the art supplies…but I didn’t want to remove my mask to blow my nose and be the lady thrown out of the store.

Everyone was socially distancing but it made me feel like I literally had the plague..everyone was scared to even look at each other…and I just frankly…just had enough.

I’m not here to debate masks…I have my own personal opinion…but I wear them because I do not want to make people feel unsafe.

I will tell you that right now…my soul is sad, as many of you feel it to. I’m passed annoyance, past anger…past disappointments.

My temper is short…I have no more patience for my staff, my children…or people in general. I find myself getting road rage in the grocery store. I find myself reacting in a negative manner to the man in Walmart wearing a full on cat mask…not even kidding…my daughter and I both let out a scared yelp as he quickly turned around. I long for conversation with women, but find myself having irrational thought and trust issues. I don’t want to go anywhere….yet I want to travel 😳. I want to go to TJ Maxx and browse aisles…but yet…I don’t need a thing. I want to clown more than anything…but grow weary waiting.

Right now, I feel that if we are able to go to something that is NOT cancelled it’s a small miracle! Rest assured that my dental appointment seems to be right on schedule as well as my upcoming mammogram 😬😬.

My trips have been cancelled, parties and outreaches and more things than I care to recall have been written off the books this year…this year can’t get over fast enough.

I’ve written blog posts on positive changes that covid has given our family…but right now…I feel that many of us…are just beyond tired.

We’ve given our kids disappointments right after the other…we have played more games, gone camping, swimming and watched way more tv than we ever have.

We’ve gotten creative with work and school and dealt with every single possible cancellation with as much dignity as possible…even if your a family that Homeschool’s like we do…you know that not even this is homeschooling. We’ve set things up for music teachers to come to us via Face Time teaching our children violin.

We’ve given up our favorite hobbies in hopes that someday we will return better than ever…but inside…many of us just can’t explain it.

I know I sure can’t. My husband keeps asking me what’s wrong…and I for the life of me can’t pinpoint it…I just feel the weight of the world and the sadness and hatred on my shoulders.

I feel hopeless and I don’t know how to pull myself out of it…I know many feel the same…but I don’t know how to get out of it.

So, for now….I choose each day and what I have to look forward in it.

I immerse myself in what I’m doing and find the simplest joys I can in the small things…Baking bread, making soap, finishing paint projects.

I take opportunities and Bring them to new levels of fun since we have been forced out of for too many months…

Everyone keeps saying keep going…don’t give up….

Hang on to the last bit of joy…and then go create your own….and spread that joy however you can…

Someday, we will look back on this as just a bump in the road….not the huge mountain we will never get over….but we will…keep on trucking…and remember…laughter…is normally…the best medicine.

Anyone else amazed by how quickly tears come nowadays? I feel like I’m one chocolate bar away from breaking down, and other days…I’m not sure I can hold on much longer.

The other day I was getting my nails done….and I heard a little voice start singing “the rainbow song”. I’ve never heard the rainbow song…but that sweet little voice made all of us tear up…how long it has been since we have heard little voices sing.

A baby woke up from a nap today in a restaurant we ate at (social distancing was being done). The baby started crying….and I was so happy to hear it…a baby…a new life…and I just felt that we as adults have to do better.

The shouting and screaming and anger…the hate..the senseless violence…and who suffers? The littlest among us.

As I explained to my daughter about masks and hand sanitizer and social distancing I was mad that I had to tell her that…but then I remembered all the moms who have had to so way worse things than me.

To the mom in a bomb shelter with her children as she heard the planes bomb her city in France. To the mom in Africa that had no water for her children. To the Mom in India, who had no art supplies or shoes for her children. For the Jewish mom who has to explain why they were getting on a train. For the mom who hugged her children goodbye as she went off to fight in the first gulf war. To the mom who went to work in the trade center on that fateful day. To the mom with cancer who tells her son goodbye before he’s even begun living . To the mom who had to explain to her son that he’s not liked because of his skin color. To the Mother who put her son to bed in his own room and kissed him goodnight to only lose him to violence as he lay sleeping in his own home. To the mom who explained away the bruises on her arm, to the Mom who has to sell herself to feed her children…and I realize../these “annoyances” could be so much more. I have nothing to complain about.

I hate that my son is missing opportunities in his college classes and his college experience. I hate that my daughter didn’t have swim team and I hate that we can’t travel, and that so many bucket lists items I had didn’t get to get checked off. I hate that my store was closed…that I lost staff…I hate that people are sick. I dislike all the businesses that have been left in ruins through looting and hatred or having to be closed. I hate all the dreams that have been shattered..all the plans that have been changed. All the lives that have been lost.

I miss my friends that live in faraway places that I can’t see because our country is pretty much closed. I hate that we are having the same fights that we’ve had for years…I’m tired. I’m sad that our children still see hatred and violence…I hate that there are so many confusing messages.

So for me….I’m gonna keep on going…..

I’m gonna go see some waterfalls….

I’m gonna work harder….and be appreciative of my community when they nominate me for something ….

I’m going to be thankful for museums I

can visit….

I’m gonna be thankful for restaurants I can visit….

For my kids I have and my silly dog…

I’m gonna work harder in my community….I’m going to listen.

We must do better for us and for our children

We can do this….we can be better….we can change things for the better..

Today at church…I just bawled. I don’t think most of us have taken the time to just sit down and think about what’s going on. Most of us don’t want to…we are just trying to stay sane.

Today as I lifted my hands in the air…I cried…

The song

“I believe in you, I believe in you…the God of miracles.” As I bawled…I realized…that no one around me I could hug…and the tears came down more. I’m sure the little elderly lady beside me would have let me hug her…but I didn’t want to put her in danger and possibly cause her to get ill because she’s in the danger age….so I cried more…I know….makes perfect sense.🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️

Since this all began there has been a mask debate and I’ve learned something about myself and others. If you want someone to change their behavior, don’t act as if they are horrible people for having differing opinions.

You want reality? Reality is having your store closed…your source of income…your life…for an unexplainable amount of time…no one knew…because no one knew what we were dealing with. When we opened we had to wear masks…and we did because we were just happy to be open.

The CDC and other authorities have constantly changed their opinions…there are countless studies on both sides of the argument. I have headaches after wearing it all day…that’s a fact…not a silly story…it’s a fact.

I loathe to see the Facebook memes stating that if you don’t wear a mask you want a fellow citizen to die..or that you care for people more because you do wear one…

Here’s my feelings….I cried the first time I saw children walk into my store with masks On and how scared they were of everyone….can you imagine how scary strangers must be now to little kids with our masks on? I cried that this is a memory that they will have forever. I cried that my son is missing out on college classes he would have so enjoyed to have in person instead of online

I had a really bad attitude about wearing masks to church…I didn’t even want to go…but even though we can’t hug each other and must social distance…raising my hands with my fellow Christ followers was such balm to my soul that was soo lonely and so hurting.

As I sat there and looked around..I saw many my parents age…and I had a change of heart. I would want you fellow citizens to keep my parents safe…and it’s up to me to keep your parents safe….and even though there’s conflicting reports on cloth masks…what if in the end they find that it is how we keep the elderly safe…what if that’s all we had to do and we didn’t?

I have no political theories….I have an opinion on the economics of it. I have an opinion on those who will boycott stores because we are trying to make everyone feel safe in a time when no one feels safe. I definitely have an opinion on those who say mean things to those with a differing opinion…but today…I sat there…and thought…”what if I’m wrong?”

So…if this brings the numbers down…and kids can go back to school and life can be as it once was…isn’t that a small price? I know there are many who say our liberties are being taken away…many who say they won’t take a vaccine ever…and I disagree. This post is not about that…it’s about…what if we were wrong?

To those of you confused on why so many people are against masks….it all started with the guilt…and saying people don’t care about others. If you want people to take a bigger step away from you, make sure you tear down the fact that they can’t possibly be caring individuals. Then, after that….make sure you make countless memes about your superiority. Lastly, call them stupid…and that they have no Brains and lump them all into one category. That is how you train people to turn you off and not listen to anything you have to say.

We are all new to pandemics. This is our first one. The people we rely on to help us, say confusing things…even doctors are arguing. So be patient with one another…and make your choices with compassion and understanding. Because when this is all over…I don’t want people to remember how “right” I was…but how I felt and decided to act…in case I was wrong.

I’m pretty sure we are all OVER this year, this virus…and we just want to get on with life. Anyone else look through their pictures of last year and say that they will never take for granted….sooo many things!!

I have learned a lot about people. Most of it not very surprising…and a lot of it very sad. I’ve seen some wonderful humans…and the worst of the worst.

If truth be told…I miss human contact with those who didn’t get very much of it in the first place. I miss retirement homes like I never thought I would…when I’m finally able to go back…I’m going every month…I’m not gonna be too busy.

I miss smiles, reading people’s lips…and just being able to hug someone…yes, I’m not a hugger and I said it.

I miss getting a headache and not instantly taking my temperature because I think I have the “rona”.

I miss planning….I love a nice plan…my calendars are full of crossed out events…more memories that won’t be made…this summer is actually reminding me of my childhood…the summer of 1982…second grade here I come.

I remember glass bottles and my dad always had a cold RC…and how on a special occasion I was allowed to drink some of it…I always got my tongue stuck🤦🏼‍♀️.

We would go camping for two weeks every summer.. fish frys and hush puppies and good ol s’mores.

I remember watching dad clean the fish…the scales would always create rainbows in the water spray…I always felt bad for the fish…asked my dad if the hooks hurt them. I was always sunburned…always bug bitten…always trying to take off my shirt much to the embarrassment of my older sister.

We rode on the back of dads motorcycle with helmets that were too big…and went canoing with life jackets that caused me to have vision problems due to them being soo big.

We drank out of hoses…learned real quick to let the hose water run a little to cool off but not too much so you didn’t get yelled at for “wasting water”

Going out to eat was rare and when we did a big deal..we never really chose what we ate it was chosen for us…but we were just happy to be there. If we were at Pizza Hut we were getting Preazzio. If you don’t know what that is…look it up…it was amazing…and for the love…bring it back!

Road trips were fun…no electronics…no play lists…but we created amazing songs…our favorites were:

“You are the Booger up my nose, that’s why I always pick on you!” Brilliant I tell ya…and we had more…lots more.

Sunday and Wednesday were church…and that’s pretty much the only time we saw other people. Grocery run and Walmart runs were on Friday…and they took all day….I was in charge of “empties” a thankless, sticky…and under appreciated job.

Popcorn and fuzzy reception TVs with antennas were part of Friday and Saturday night adventures..more tin foil helped 😬😬🤦🏼‍♀️ we think.

We spent our days in our pool…and did amazing water ballet choreography. It was Olympic like I promise. We dodged horse flies and bumble bees…and ate sour cream and onion chips….and frozen yogurt. I learned to ride a bike on a gravel road and didn’t enjoy wearing shoes…

We read library books galore…and we would record radio shows we made up….blank tapes were the best thing you could ever have…and we made show after show. I wish I could find some of those!

Right now….I feel like that is the laid back summer that I’m living…no worries…I no longer try to take off my shirt.

That is the only way I can survive right now….is trying to just look at this as a time for quiet and slow down…to work out kinks in home and business…and to focus on quieter days…and Rest in quiet anticipation for when life returns with its neck breaking speed.

How much we will change…how many things will we count as unnecessary? We will wait and see!

The other day I turned off my news alerts. I couldn’t take the covid updates ONE more day. I unfollowed mass amounts of people who had strict opinions about wearing masks and NOT wearing masks…and frankly…I don’t want to hear about any more of it anymore.

I think it’s scary how quickly we have turned on one another…how much hatred we have for one another. If you don’t wear a mask your officially a “hater of mankind” and if you do wear one “your an overzealous moron”. Can we all just let each other do what makes them comfortable? But the answer is no…we can’t.

Today after returning some items to three stores I got in my car and almost cried. Had I not been in a parking lot, I surely would have . Can we all just talk about how much right now hurts. When I walk by you and you cringe and step away…it truly hurts. When I see people I haven’t seen in months and just have to wave… it hurts. I don’t think I will ever take a hug for granted again. I don’t think I will ever take someone putting their hand on my shoulder again…

I can’t clown at retirement homes…probably not for a year…maybe longer if a vaccine isn’t found. They was my outlet…my happy place…where I could get creative and make people smile…and now smiles are hid behind masks.

4th of July…my favorite summer holiday…no firework shows….small gatherings…and people terrified of others.

I keep turning off more and more noise…because today…I spent in and out of tears. Sad for my daughter who can’t be with friends very much…activities canceled and sports canceled. Even homeschooling activities for fall are uncertain…and so many questions.

Today, this feels like it will not end…that life is unbearable…that things won’t change…and I normally can snap out of it….

So, I got on my social media….I have unfollowed pages and pages of news…and things and people that are giving me anxiety. I have to keep believing that things will get better…that this will pass and we will all be better for it. I have to believe that God is on the throne…and He is aware of our plight.

I keep thinking of all the things that have been lost and missed out on this year…and wondering how long can this possibly go on. I fear for my children, my business my country…my fellow man…

Part of me wishes we could all just take the biggest nap ever and wake up and this is gone… but I know that that’s not how it works.

So, for today…I cut up soap made with my own two hands…

I enjoy the silly frog that visits us each summer and hangs out on our patio glass door.

I will be grateful for our customers and sales today…and my employees.

I will be grateful for my car that’s freshly cleaned and looking awesome 😬😬😎

I will be happy with fun face masks….in hopes that it makes someone smile.

But most of all…I hope this will teach me…(a otherwise introvert) that not having physical touch or contact…or connection with our fellow man is what has made this whole ordeal so difficult. I understand it…and I’m not questioning it…but I hope that I never take for granted things that just five months ago…I thought nothing of.

Even though we can’t hug or see a lot of our friends…may I encourage everyone to be texting and calling…sending pics and perhaps even old fashioned letters…let language be what helps us through this…may we be able to connect with one another that way…while we wait to be able to embrace one another.

Three weeks ago a new lady I was meeting shook my hand…and I about cried…she forgot and apologized…but it was the happiest handshake I’ve had in nearly three months.

We need one another….perhaps this 4th of July you will be able to see some close friends or family…and you can sneak in some quick hugs followed by massive hand washing😬😬😬

We have just returned from a vacation of sorts. These days, vacation looks much different than it even did six months ago. It is a little scary how quickly life can change.

Two weeks ago I called and asked about what would be permissible in the state we were visiting and everything was opening up…when we got there….everything was closing up…so..vacation looked a little different. We still got to enjoy being away…and it helped me a lot.

You see, if we watch the news…we are all divided. If we watch the news, we all hate each other. If we watch the news…all we see is negative.

I needed a vacation…because I needed to see smiles of strangers…even at a social distance it was appreciated. I needed to converse with my fellow man…even if it was with masks and plastic gloves. I needed to hear stories of how businesses have adapted and I needed some good food that I didn’t cook.

I needed to see people playing in waterfalls. I needed to be asked to take photos for someone and then use my hand sanitizer…no worries. I needed to hear my daughter laugh and my husband makes jokes. I needed my daughter to hear other people talk to her about her favorite musical…and let her pet their dog.

This world is in trouble…I’m not telling you it isn’t…we have a pandemic that is confusing and frightening and the rules change daily. We have injustice and unfairness…hatred and bitterness that people don’t know what to do with….and if I focus on that everyday it will paralyze me…it will completely overwhelm me.

I can only support, encourage…do my part to make this world a happier place.

Social distance like your supposed to, wash your hands….use your hand sanitizer…and wear your masks when needed….but smile at one another with your eyes….speak to one another….we are not on this planet alone for a reason….we need each other…we really do.

Thank you to those who leave the painted rocks…those make me soo happy.

Thank you to those who make fun masks

Thank you to letting us have open campgrounds again where we found out that owls make the most annoying sounds you have ever heard.

Thank you for having the most fun games to play…

Thank you for snow cones and no waiting at places where no waiting is unheard of…

Thanks for letting us pet your dog when we sure were missing ours….

Thanks for humor during a scary time

Thanks for waterfalls and beautiful sights we can see again…

Thanks for being quirky

Thanks for being breathtaking…but reminding me to be safe…

I muted my news app. I muted people on my social media who were giving me anxiety…and I’m concentrating on the good. There will always be a battle do good verses bad. Make sure your on the side promoting good.

Get back out there…but social distance…wear your masks when instructed…and everyone…just turn off the news…it only brings anxiety and depression.