When I’m Not Enough

I remember the days when both my kids were home all day and we were the typical homeschool family.

My days were filled with markers, baking, cleaning, laundry…naps…and checking off work for my elementary son and helping my daughter trace letters.

Today, I balance…homeschooling one last child, work, employees, college kids calling for advice, charity work…and being involved with various co-ops for homeschooling…to say I feel like I’m not enough would be an understatement.

Perhaps it’s wisdom that has come in my middle age…or the fact that I see life differently….but at this point in my life…this is how I’m approaching it….

Perfection…what level is today supposed to be? If I’m at home…is it…no dust, all papers graded…new home improvement projects all done…amazing dinner completed…and house sparkling? Or is it..crying through math, ordered pizza, laundry not done…dog threw up on the rug kind of day?

If I’m at work…is it my employees got everything done needed, my store looks amaze balls…and every customer walked out so happy they were screaming with delight…or is it…all hands on deck because an employee called in sick…and we are having to work over what we were supposed to, do here’s some Ice cream to help us through kind of day?

Sometimes…I do charity work and things go wrong…last Friday…the button was missing on my clown pants😱 not a big deal you say? Perhaps not…but when your working with special needs people…they notice everything!!!!

I had a small meltdown….and then I realized….go do what your called to do…and thank heavens for safety pins.

When I die…perfection will NOT be what they say….

Probably a side of sass…with some fun…and a whole lot of bad attitude…will probably be what they say…

And…

I hope I made people smile….my children proud and decent humans…

And I hope I made people feel special…

I pray my husband felt loved…and cherished. I hope my children felt important and nourished in love for them. I hope they saw me serve…even when no one recognized it…they saw me try and help…when no one was watching…they saw me keep going…when people spoke evil of me.

I hope those that I served knew I was being genuine. That it wasn’t about who saw me…but I was there for them. I hope they knew….

That sometimes, I laid awake, trying to think of what would make them smile…how I could reach those that needed reaching.

I hope my students knew that their passion for clowning…encourages me more than they could ever know…and that “imitation , is the most sincere form of flattery “😘😍

I hope that when people met me they thought….she is kind…she is a nice human being. I hope they don’t look at me and think that my life has been perfect.

I wish my red nose didn’t mean the world to me like it does…but it’s a part of me…the imperfect side…the side that needs to be let out

Whatever your passion is in life…remember you can’t do it all…there are seasons to life…and you’ve got to learn what can give a little…and what can’t…the dust, the vacuuming…can give a little I promise….

Go be you…and give the world a big dose of you!