Empty

I sat in church today…in a bad mood. It’s freezing…like seriously….it’s actually -13. The roads were not really great…and I just wanted to be home. I had no desire to be there at all….you know…exactly how Jesus wants us😬😬😬😬.

I was annoyed because I wanted to clown today for an organization that I ❤️❤️❤️ but carrying all my stuff in clown in -13 weather and imagining having an accident in clown was a little to risky for me…I even bought new tights that now I don’t get to wear ☹️☹️☹️☹️.

I was annoyed because our child didn’t act the best this morning…and starting off the morning like that is all I can handle🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️.

I was just annoyed.

Then…like magic…a long time customer of ours who doesn’t normally attend the service we do…gave me and my husband a big smile and a big hug…telling us she was happy to see us both…I mean…how can you be grumpy after that???

Then we came home to see that our neighbor had snow plowed our driveway…because…he’s basically a saint…and did I mention…it’s -13 out???

I was in a bad mood because my husband and I were supposed to have a relaxing weekend away…and instead it was a weekend of irritations…that go with owning your own business…but seriously…my phone and his phone rang constantly….and honestly…we only wanted 24 hours of peace…but it wasn’t about to happen.

Those waves of darkness that sweep over me…are more constant than ever before…sisters fighting breast cancer. Me wondering, if it’s coming for me. My parents health will be good one day and not the next…worrying about adult children and their choices…and I just want to sit down and take a long nap…but sleep won’t come.

I have run out of ideas…but grateful for the gifts I kept counting. Years ago, I read a life changing book called “One Thousand Gifts” by Ann Voskamp. It’s my absolute favorite book. When life seems unbearable…or just depressing, count the gifts around you…

Yesterday:

1. Amazing sale in chair and shoes we had been looking at for my husband.

2. Incredible service at the restaurants we ate at.

3. Fabulous nights sleep at the Elms hotel.

4. Fun ghost tour led by a talented guide.

5. Warm chocolate brownies.

6. Yummy chicken my husband made.

7. Good deals I found for a upcoming business trip…..and….the list keeps going.

I feel the pull of the negative weight…even though the snow doesn’t bother me…this crazy cold temps do.

My car is so disgusting inside…I think I heard it crying…I know you all feel the same.

I keep decorating with spring decor…but still…I find myself falling apart with the littlest thing….

I’ve had a beach towel stuck to my back door for three months….because I have to either wipe off mud or snow from my dog when he comes back in…and I say to you all…I’m going on empty….so so empty.

So I’m reminding myself to write down the gifts….and to keep coming up with ideas to make people smile…and I keep on trying….