What Would It Be Like?

I’ve been reading the book “Girl, Wash Your face.” By Rachel Hollis. If you haven’t read it, I would highly recommend (after your done reading my blog post) that you would go out and read it…if your cheap like me…you can even find it at your local library.

I have found that when I go through great trials…God normally send me little signs that He’s with me…because even though I KNOW He is…He gets that I don’t always FEEL that way.

The book. Turns out was a godsend. I had ordered it in January …but the wait list was long…since I haven’t been able to get my hands on it until now….but it was perfect timing!

If you’ve ever been a person that decided to start devoting your time and energy to others…and given secretly and sacrifically…and just had all that thrown back in your face…you understand the week that I have had.

Oh my lists of complaints and hurts can be told to you for several hours…but honestly…no one wants to hear that.

There are ugly parts of my story…that I wish were not a part of my life. But there’s a reason I get “single moms” and women who have been cheated on. I hate what pornography does to a family…because I’ve had a front row seat to it. I have sat in the car at the cemetery, and watched my son ask the heavens why He took his Daddy…I’ve also sat in the car while he screamed…and now…he speaks quietly at his dads graveside.

I’ve been accused of more things that are untrue than true…even after I paid off bills I didn’t have to…and paid off a headstone that I should not have had the burden of.

I’ve had women who cheated with my husband laugh at me and tell me they knew why he left me….and I can’t even tell you how long it took me to get back up again after that…but you know what?

Every single nasty thing that has been said to me, or about me…I’ve never been alone. I’ve never been the only woman who has gone through that…I’ve never been the only single mom raising a baby, and I’ve most certainly never been the only one that can’t claim a million mistakes that she’s made.

I will tell you that I know lots of women who stay down…they don’t rise back up. They raise children who believe they are owed something from this world…and they are angry about it.

I canNOT change what has been done to me in the past…in the present…or in the future. I can count my blessings…and I can keep trudging forward…giving back to those I’m told to give to.

Two weeks ago…I was done…but God placed “encouragers” in my life…I received phone calls, texts, flowers, and a great deal of TLC from my husband….because life is hard and sometimes unbearable…but we are not made to go at it alone….even though it feels so much safer.

I don’t want to come out of hiding…but I know I’m not made to stay in the “dark place” that I have been in.

There is a lot of living to do….and this week as I drove through town so utterly heartbroken…and mad at the world…I literally had to start making a mental list of the good things, and I was in such a deep dark place they were like things I could see…sun shining, flowers blooming, that house has a pink door, the lady at Starbucks smiled at me, that person driving let someone in….I’m not kidding…this has been my exercises for the last few days….nothing else would register in my brain.

What would this world be like…if we looked at others the way others have looked at me this week….as a 911 event.

Smile at the cashier…put your phone down…say thank you to the person waiting on you. Pick up the trash, help out at a charity…do it…because.

There are so many people like me….but Unlike me they may not have “encouragers” you May be it….so go do it…be it…we all need it!