Still Standing

What has this year taught me? Lots of things…some good and some bad. I’ve learned a lot about people…apparently, I offend people and don’t even realize it.

I was in church the Other day…and I started thinking about this. What does it mean when you seem to make so many people annoyed? I have come to a few conclusions. Usually, if everyone around me is unhappy…it’s because I’m in a bad mood and have sucked all the joy out of a room…I will not say that I have never been guilty of this…I will say…that I’m sure I have.

However, sometimes people don’t like you because they are jealous of you. They think they know you…they think that they have an inside track of your life and how easy you have it when they know absolutely nothing about you. They don’t see your struggle, your tears, your frustration…they just see you being strong and assume instead that your just this independent woman with nothing bothering you.

I wish to not repeat this year….It’s been the hardest one for me in twenty years. However, the hardest part is being silent about it…which I will continue to be…because it is a silent matter. It doesn’t mean that I’m not hurting, it doesn’t mean that I’m not sad and overwhelmed…it just means that I’m going through something and I feel that it’s important to tell people that.

Every January everyone makes this big list of what they are going to do…but by January 14th we all throw in the towel…I believe in realistic goals…if I said I was going to run 2 miles everyday…that goal would quickly die. However, if I told you that I’m gonna start running everyday for 15 minutes and then raise it to five minutes every week until I hit my goal…that’s a reasonable goal. If I tell you that I’m gonna eat avocados everyday for lunch but never have…that goal will die very quickly…but if you knew that’s what I’ve been trying to do everyday for about two months along with taking my vitamins…you might see that I have a chance with continuing that goal.

The same can be said for planning and overcrowded schedules. Last fall, I stopped a few things…then a few more…and now for spring…I’ve cut out even more…I’ve been evaluating, planning, changing. What do I want from life? What can I possibly achieve? What is pointless and what brings me joy? It’s been a long long haul…but a year later I believe I am starting to figure it out…and that’s what we have to do with goal setting and yearly planning…

Each day in my organizer…I have a list of what I want to accomplish for that day…and I usually cram it too full…but I’ve also learned that somethings can be pushed to another day…and the task still gets completed in a timely fashion. It’s not a pie in the sky goal…it’s written..it’s looked at…it’s completed.

I know that each year…we all say we are going to run a marathon…have arms we aren’t embarrassed to show…but instead of starting out small…like working up to a 5K we become very distracted and very disappointed early.

Last but not least…toxic relationships. We sit around and try to please people that continually tell us where we are failing…and yet, they never show up for us. Consider what you want from that relationship…then either have a conversation and tell them what you expect…or move on. I’m not saying “block them” from your life (unless completely necessary) but definitely explain. I have found that I’ve been wrong in assuming several things about people and then finding out I have egg all over my face..:still at my age…still.

Happy New Year! May this year your adventures be many…and your heart find happiness!