Social Distancing

My brain hurts…today, as we three sat at the dinner table…the only one who knew what the day was…was the twelve year old. Her father and I were sure it was Tuesday…our college son thought it was Tuesday when he FaceTimed us and said he didn’t have to report to work until Thursday…luckily…we figured out…it was Wednesday…I don’t know how we lost a whole day.

The new normal isn’t really normal…and it never will be. We sometimes sleep horribly…we sometimes sleep great…it just depends. Some days I’m totally fine with this…other days I’m ready to get off this planet.

I saw a lady wear a blow up unicorn costume to the supermarket spreading some cheer…and I was actually jealous…like…why didn’t I think of that? But I didn’t…and honestly….I’m tired…and probably if I would have thought of it…I would have not done it as beautifully as she did…seriously…..I’m jealous of a unicorn?🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️(I sound like Eyeore).

It may surprise you what I miss….I miss my employees, I miss the smell of my store. I miss the ding of the bell when the customers come in. I miss hearing my employees laugh with our customers. I miss saying hello to our UPS man, our mailman, our FedEx lady. I miss doing social media at the store. I miss bringing baked goods for my employees to eat and not make me fat. I miss their compliments on my outfits (even if they don’t really think it). I miss my massage therapist and our talks…and my right knee is really missing her. I miss my nail lady…and when they open this time I’m getting a pedicure too. I miss going through the Starbucks and getting my Green Tea Matcha…yes, I’m aware I can probably still get it…but really I’m staying away from all drive thrus.

I miss my mail lady and hearing how her grandson is doing. I miss talking to people when we are out. I miss hugging my favorite lady at church. I miss seeing my parents. I miss going on walks and not worrying about how many people are out.

I miss getting to clown at retirement homes. I miss getting to be the Easter Bunny for our store and seeing the kids light up. (I feel guilty for ever complaining how hot it was…I would do anything to be able to do it now). I won’t be able to do it for the two retirement homes, not Pivotal Point…and I don’t get to clown for an event for ALS. These are the things that I miss…and that we won’t get back…and I think as a human this is what makes all this soo difficult.

Last week after someone stole my bank card…I had to run to the bank and get a new card and I had to go right then because they were closing all the lobbies…for like two weeks maybe longer..so I went in with no makeup…and the banker literally made me feel like a leper while using his letter opener to take everything I touched. I wanted to argue…show him my hand sanitizer and that I’ve been using it WAY before it was cool…that I normally look way better than this…but ya know…here we are😬😬😬. I understand why he did it…totally do…but still…I went home…and ate more chocolate.

I’m not the kind of person who meets with friends every night…who chats on the phone all day…my best friends I haven’t seen in years…not that we don’t love each other…but because we have insane lives…I also moved away from all of them…I’m over an hour away from home…and right now…we couldn’t see each other anyway.

I cried after my daughter got off face time with her violin teacher…when she cried about missing skating with her friends and ice skating and field trips and friends coming over to hang out…so I’ve distracted her the best way I know how…and bought her art supplies and started her on an online class which she of course finished WAY before she should…and now…the kid has a side business going….and she’s making the walls of my house look way cooler.

I am finding that the days are going by at warp speed and the projects and the things that I have planned I’m not sure I have enough time to complete them.

I’m enjoying my new loveseat my husband bought me that I’ve wanted for a year that he bought because of all the amazing disappointments…I find that every time we have an opportunity to put a stamp in our passports…something happens catastrophic…apparently us ever leaving the US will literally put the world out of whack 🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️.

I am very very lucky.

I am writing in my one thousand gifts journal

I’m doing yoga, and have continued my painting projects…next week I hope to be done with those and be able to do lots of new soap and work on…..juggling…because…I need some new tricks up my clown sleeves

I miss this clown character more than anything..to be able to go and make people laugh..and just be a ridiculous character keeps you humble…and keeps you happy…and right now…it’s not needed or wanted…and I can’t stand in my yard and wave to people…because that would be creepy…like seriously…possibly arrested.

I see people post their feelings on social media…

Some people say we deserve it…God is punishing us….He found a way for golf to be cancelled…I don’t think that’s a punishment…I think that’s a 🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻. Now what about bowling? 😬

Some people say it’s political….I have no idea.

Still others say it’s God’s way of getting us all to slow down….

May I just say this…

God is not a god of disorder and chaos, fear and Lost hope. He is opposite of that. He allows things…He allows bad things…He allows these things to grow us…to help us re-evaluate…to help us make better choices…become better humans…and some of us are really stinky humans who decide to take advantage of others by buying all the hand sanitizers and toilet paper and selling them at a ridiculous prices..that’s a free choice that they have made and that they took…but God is not in any of that.

Want to see a picture of God? It’s the lady who took eggs to my parents along with potatoes and veggies and left them on the front porch…because after I had been to two stores in town I still couldn’t find any. God is in the lady who gave the old man the toilet paper that was in her cart because he couldn’t find any. God was in the customers we had that wanted to come and pick up repairs and give us the money so that we would have it before we were forced to close our doors.

God is in the people that will rise up and come to our store and support us like they always have once this is over. God is in the helpers, God is in the ones that share His love…not the selfish ones. Not the judging ones, not the ones who don’t speak to you even though they’ve known you forever….that walk by you like you don’t exist…God isn’t in that.

I have learned and am still learning that my faith in God does not rely on riches…because riches can be gone in an instant. My hope..my trust…is in the One who has made an impossible nightmare…become a beautiful unforeseen miracle. When you have walked that road…you take the next road that’s rocky with a little more trust than you did during the previous…because you’ve seen Him do the impossible.

I have prayed the prayers that He didn’t answer…I know heartache….but I also know amazing love and miracles like you’ve never seen.

Turn off the news…revamp yourselves for two possibly three weeks…because we are all gonna be like the little kids who get in the front row at the 5K line thinking they are Gonna take this thing down!!! We are gonna be ready to go!!!!

As I took my shower this morning…I felt convicted.

How many times have I complained of all the things I have to do? How many places I’ve decided to clown at…and I filled my schedule to full? How often have I complained about going to work and working all day or working OT? How many times have I complained about all the places that I have to take my daughter?

How many times have I complained about well…everything.

Perhaps that’s the lesson we can take away. Perhaps that’s what we were supposed to get out of this…how quickly we complain and how good we really had it…how our biggest fear in a week was about how we were going to get all this stuff done…and now we are just praying we can get back to just that crazy sentence…

We as Americans are creative…and funny…and I love seeing all the ways we are figuring this out. I think that’s what I love most about being American.:we are an entertaining lot.

So, while the rest of you decide to social distance with unicorns in the supermarket, and rainbow drawings and heart and monkey drawings in the windows of houses as your little kids take walks…this Momma is gonna get our homeschooling done earlier, so we can finally have Spring break and well, basically…early start to summer..I’m gonna finish these home projects and soap projects and this clown is gonna learn how to juggle…so that this summer we can camp and travel and clown and do a ton of stuff with no extra baggage….hold on for the bumpy ride…but we just might make it! If only, I could remember what day we were on that would be great!