I Am Here

Today at a campsite the tears came down my face that I have not allowed to fall since February….right there….they all fell down.

One fun thing I promised myself after I got through all this was a tattoo to remember this hardship….

As I had scrolled through before on ideas, I had my heart sat on “fearless”. Because I was trying very hard to be brave during each procedure and each treatment and each doctor….fearless is who I wanted to be. I am not fearless….I am strong….I am brave…but I am not fearless.

This morning, in true Segrist camping fashion….it was raining….Normally I like to be down by the river fishing but the rain didn’t allow that. My husband told me as he was praying this morning….he looked up and saw me walking in front of him….and he was thankful because I am here. I am still walking around and sharing this life with him and my kids. My daughter last night as we were headed to the showers and saw a glimpse of my scars she told me that she had forgotten until she saw the scars and we talked about that for a bit….so after I ran across this….

I burst into tears…..because that’s exactly what my husband had just talked about.

Lumpectomy…..Lymphedema….Radiation……..drugs to make it stay away for five years….compression sleeves and gloves…large scars…burning and itching from radiation…but they all saved me….I get to be here because of that….

So even though I hate that sleeve and glove…and my scars and taking medication….I am still here because of it…

So today….I am gonna go down to the river and I am just gonna be grateful….to still know I can watch my kids get married….my daughter graduate….and kiss my husband.

I’m gonna go cry by the river….happy tears!