The Way We Were

Tonight I looked into my teenagers bedroom and she had her light on and was reading before bed…and I took a picture in my mind…saved it to a memory. Her wet, curly perfect hair with her glasses and sweet smile…her sweet disposition…and I just want her to stay there forever…safe…unspoiled….hasn’t learned the harsh realities of life….

Today, I was really missing my son….in a few weeks I will be able to hug him…there was once a day…he would run to my bed and shout Mommy and jump into bed. Now he towers over me…but he will always be my precious son…who taught me what true sacrifice really is.

The heat today is putting me on the struggle bus…I have struggled all day. Horrible headache and no dinner….the thought of food…gross. It could be my medicine….but I just felt all together crummy all day.

I look around at my house and my store and all the things that need to be done and I am overwhelmed. I wish I had my energy back to do them….

Routine seems to be lost as soon as we get a rhythm. I feel as soon as I finally get things really moving there is a huge interruption of life and I’m behind again. I remember when I at least made progress…now I feel my life is a giant game of Wac A mole.

Today….I wish I could tell you I was all about being strong and brave….but this chick is tired…

I want to get back into shape….I want to be fit again…but there is this part of me that just doesn’t want to get up again….

Tonight my husband could see the struggle is real…he told me not to give in….sms I held back tears….

Because that’s what I really want to do…..

My Dad is failing…..my kids are all growing up….a hobby that gives me joy I can’t do right now…and the only thing I do anymore is go to the doctor….

Case in point tomorrow I have three appointments!!!

I walk around with pill boxes and take vitamins to ride out the affects of the very medicine that will give me life. Then, in all the whining….in all of the self pity….poor me…..

Perspective…..I have lovely children, a growing business, a lovely husband…a house I adore…a camper, a car I love to drive, a community of crazy clowns I adore…friends. I am one of the lucky ones….today I am cranky and tired….but I am so lucky!