I’m Here

When I started radiation…..I promised myself I would celebrate the end with a tattoo. For many weeks and several months I tried to come up with a saying….

Many people write…Brave….or fearless….strong….fighter….I am none of those things.

I fight quietly….I get through it…I get up…and keep getting up….

I cry to myself….I cry to my friends….I cry to the nurses….

Today, I said goodbye to my huge scar across my breast and the small one above it where they took 5 lymph nodes. I said goodbye to vertigo and 20 rounds of radiation. I can’t say goodbye to lymphedema yet or tamoxifen but I can say I know how to deal with it better now.

I said goodbye to the woman I once was..the one who could hike and row and never thought anything of it. I said goodbye to the woman who did activities she didn’t really understand were precious..::

Today I marked….that I’m here. I can see my kids…my husband….my friends my family….

I can still clown …I can still go on trips…I can still enjoy this beautiful life.

Sunsets now are prettier. Rivers sound better and hugs feel safer.

I am not the same…my body doesn’t look the same….

I am not sure if it will come back….I personally believe it will do all it can to come back….but I am not easily overtaken….

There are no guarantees in life….

Enjoy your life….and relish in the fact….that you are still here.