If I look at the last six years I realize the changes that life has handed me….not all bad….just constantly pivoting.
Around 2.5 years ago we left a church that we loved with people that were family and a time where I had the unique privilege of bringing our congregation to the throne of God through music. I loved the relationships with our band members…how we worked together to encourage one another…:the sense of family.
I was going through cancer treatments and serious vertigo, dealing with lymphedema and playing was healing..::truly healing
I have lots of feelings about things and how things were handled, not with me, but being in the background of how certain things were handled , and it left a very bitter taste in my mouth.
The role I felt was in a time when no one else would play….I spent hours each week because this was a whole different way of playing for me. I felt my church deserved my best and I worked very hard to bring it.
We now attend a new church….and while not perfect in any way, it has quite possibly saved our daughter and for that I am immensely grateful.
I now have been asked in my new church to do this role again….and I am torn. I feel that right now my life is in a way that I have had to learn to say no to things. That for me is hard. I am a people pleaser, I wish it wasn’t so, but it is. I feel the need for people to like me…and thankfully middle age is slowly taking that desire from me. The more I pray about it….the more the answer seems to be…not right now.
Since cancer I have not clowned….I allowed my heart and my body to heal…and my spirit as well. I have changed from my white face character….
To this….
I needed a change and I’m immensely grateful to my clown teachers that helped me with that.
I hope to soon be able to get back to Red Nose Readers in area schools.
Last year, as many of you know…my Dad passed away….and now my Mother is in a home and my duties have changed.
I also own a retail store and those duties are increasing….
I have a wonderful crew and am grateful for each and every one of them.
The biggest shift in our lives is for the first time in our married life, our daughter is off to college next week…and we will officially be empty nesters….
We have never been alone without children in our entire marriage….23 years…there was always a little.
Tomorrow we will be headed to the mountains to enjoy one last week together before we go our separate ways….
I am so proud of my daughter….but I would be lying if I said I wouldn’t miss her….that tears won’t be shed….that animals won’t be sad that their fave human is gone.
I would be lying if I didn’t say I was scared and sad but yet excited for the future. The big international trip we have coming up of things I’ve always wanted to see….
There is no doubt in my mind that those who can’t achieve change will not prosper…..the slow days of childhood are gone. The place where I grew up no longer exists…the place my children grew up no longer sounds the same. The crying of babies, the yelling of teens…the smell of adolescent boys….gone….only in our memories….
I like to think about the grand babies, the trips, the new life experiences and the amazing sidelines of watching your children achieve their dreams….all while you get to check things off your own list…
Let the tears fall with the curtain call of your children’s childhood….but let the beauty of independence and watching dreams come true right before your very eyes dry those tears. May you live in the excitement of the bird that you taught to soar…and watch and wait for all that they can accomplish because of you.
I’m here on the sideline….waiting and watching.
Wow! What a privilege
The Reluctant Red Nose 