Lost

Today I felt as if I was hit by a ton of bricks. I fell back asleep around 5:30 after nursing on a ginger beer since 3 am.

I thought I was handling the stress of everything so well, but today after I watered my poor parched flowers and went through the mail, I was completely done. I felt physically sick…like I had the flu.

I went through the garden…and it did make me smile….my dog knew my heart hurt so he stayed by me. I started crying in the shower and he joined right in…go grateful for animals.

My staff sent me these beautiful flowers ….

I of course cried as soon as I saw them.

I’m trying to do anything that will cause me to smile.

Tomorrow I have to go to the home to get mom’s clothes for burial and then go by the funeral home. 🏠

Right now if you asked me how I’m feeling I would say strange. The best way I can describe it is when I was around the age of seven, I woke up for school with my Dad telling us he had to take our mother to the hospital. I remember asking why and I believe it had something to do with hemorrhaging if I remember correctly but Dad knew I would have a hard time with that word so he just said “physical problems” so I practiced that word over and over again to tell my teachers and I remember being in the big bus and crying and just missing my Mom. There was a certain comfort with knowing she was at home waiting for me…and I hated hospitals. I remember feeling so very alone….and that is how I would describe how I feel right now…alone.

I was cheated from a real relationship with my Mother for awhile😘 dementia doesn’t play fair.

So, 2026 you were stacking up to be so much better than 2025…but losing my parents 16 months apart was not something I wanted on my bingo card this year

We will try again tomorrow