The Reluctant Red Nose

Not sure what lovely fresh hell people like to bring to retail workers but I have to say….some people are unhinged.

I will be the first to tell you that w shave amazing customers…never yelling….never any tears…a few rude people but very few and far between….but lately…..it’s like I’m on a different planet.

It isn’t just at my store. People are enraged by small things. Lights that turn red, forcing you to possibly stop…and then watch three people in front of you run straight through.

Honking horns because they don’t believe the speed limit is something citizens should follow….so honking and hand gestures tell me how they feel…and in case I’m confused in the slightest the finger signal removes all doubt.

At a local TJ Maxx I witnessed a lady enraged that there was only one register open to wait on three people. She made it clear she was more important than the rest of us and she should not have to wait behind the rest of the peasants.

I have people say rude things to me….thinking I don’t own the store my husband and I own. They point to him call him the owner and dismiss me. Why would you ever say that to someone? I find the biggest offenders are women. I know everyone says women stand with women…I have found that to be a lie. Most of the negative things that I have heard about how I manage the store are from women….want to see how good you are? How many women have you ticked off? That’s normally how well you know you’re doing your job.

So what is the answer on the cesspool of negativity and rudeness followed by a sense of entitlement that I have never witnessed…

Remember the customers who hold your hand and say thank you as you just remade rings for their granddaughters as they’ve been told they have stage four cancer.

Remember the couples who celebrate their first baby and their first anniversary. The couple that comes in to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary. The customers that come in year after year for every special occasion and they send everyone they know to see you.

Concentrate on your faithful crowd. Concentrate on your cheerleaders….stay on the path. Don’t be distracted by the loudest customers….concentrate on the ones that you bring them amazing pieces to celebrate their seasons that life takes us through.

I told everyone I was going to go light on Christmas….and to my delight I did get rid of A LOT of Christmas stuff.

I have been dreaming for a couple of years to do Christmas Tree hair for our work party….and my staff did NOT disappoint.

I gave out puzzles and we played bingo…we had a great dinner by a local caterer.

It was a great night to just laugh.

The next day my husband woke up sick…..but I went to work and we got the Grinch happy meals. Haven’t eaten mcds in for sure two years….

After work I went by my Dads grave and I added some Christmas trees with solar lights….i thought they looked festive and he’s the only one with Christmas lights….because that’s how we roll.

Life gets harder……and things seem overwhelming at times….I am grateful for the gift of eternal life. That is what I will concentrate on this Christmas….I will see my Dad again.

My daughter graduates this year from highschool….and my little built in friend will be away at school….and I am undone.

When her brother went away….I still had her at home….

I do not know how it went so fast…..and I know you are ready to take on the world. Please know I will be forever….your number one fan. I love you always and forever.

We went into Christmas wanting to do things a little differently. Since I got rid of quite a lot of decor we had decided to get a real tree….this will make me sound ancient…..however, when I was younger, trees were like $34….and apparently…..while I was sleeping apparently….they are now $180??? What????

So, we went down to our local Walmart and found a lovely tree that lights up and my dogs don’t drink the water. On our way to pick it out we passed the Christmas candy and my husband pointed to cordial cherries…..and right there….I started to tear up. I always buy my Dad cordial cherries and always have since I was a very little girl. It was our thing….and now…it isn’t.

Somedays grief hits you so hard it feels the wind knocks you over….but you have to get back up….

I went to see my Mom and eat Thanksgiving dinner and she had to be reminded who I was…that was a first….she has always known me..and she kept telling me thanks for coming to her birthday…

Life is heavy….but life can be beautiful. I find comfort in what a blessed childhood I had….I find rest in knowing I will be with both of them again…and they will know my name.

Somedays when I am very sad and discouraged…..the songs from my Dads funeral will play….and an ice cream truck will be in front of me…and I smile….because I do believe in angels watching over us…and I have a few watching over me…..

So this year my decor looks a little different….but my heart is a little heavier than it once was.

Saturday I had to work and also decorate my store for Christmas. Right now I am doing all the prep work for the colonoscopy I am to have tomorrow…and it is as dreadful as everyone has ever said…but the good news is I will feel thinner at least….got my cleanse in.

What does it entail to decorate my store you ask?

Well, take fall downs and take to storage unit….get christmas things out including a tree bigger than me. How did I get it in the truck? I still have no idea. Then I had to get the nutcrackers in the truck as well….I couldn’t have any of the girls help me because they were busy with work.

It took me the entire day. I started at 10 and finished around 3:30….sold two rings in the process and had customers pick up jobs. The store was a mess and we apologized but most people were excited….said they were going to be doing the exact same thing soon…..

Then…..Grumpy Gladys came in….complaining that I am decorating before Thanksgiving. Thankfully my staff is better at handling this than me. They said this is the only time we have to do it.

Because our store is already selling Christmas gifts….I am not going to spend my Thanksgiving decorating my store and when should I do that? Black Friday? Small Business Saturday? Exactly when do you think it would be a good time to decorate Grumpy Gladys? Clearly, you have never owned a retail store!!!

It takes zero dollars to just let people decorate when they want….seriously….

Meanwhile…..here is the inside of my store:

So whenever you choose to decorate…..whatever brings you joy!

This past Saturday we went away on a little three day trip….as usual….there were bumps along the way….

On our way down, huge rainstorm which of course caused power outage in town…so no eating out as all the restaurants in town were closed due to power outage.

We could not complain because we had power at our beautiful cabin and we found a grocery store with sweet people and yummy and hot fried chicken…

The cabin we stayed at we haven’t been to for 22 years…we stayed there on our honeymoon.

We hiked, we went shopping, we ate good food and we relaxed….it was soo needed.

We stopped at Roaring River on our way home….

We have one more adventure before we settle down for the holidays.

Today, I had three doctor appointments. Gastrinologist, dermatologist to remove skin cancer….and last….

The Cancer center for my 3 month labs!

These people gave me joy when I was so scared….they will always get extra affection from me.

I have a colonoscopy November 10th and hopefully after that the nagging will stop!

Have a good night my friends!

So Tuesday, I spent over an hour going through my Christmas Decor….and this is what I donated to a very worthy place where these decorations will be used in a way that brings me great joy.

As I went through all the things I was a little brutal with myself and kept asking myself if this brought me joy…..and the truth is…it didn’t anymore.

These things represented a standard that I held myself to…no one else….just me.

The joy of decorating for Christmas to such an extent had left me stressed and overwhelmed. I had no energy for baking, going and seeing Christmas lights….nothing except work.

I would look around at all the decor and dread taking it all down….

Keep in mind I own a retail store that I decorate, we have promos, we have a Christmas party at my house where I put a lot of energy into….and I was beginning to hate Christmas.

Since I was 30 I have entertained my husbands family and my own for each and every holiday….and when I worked from home that was attainable….when I homeschooled two children that was something that I could do….still a lot….but absolutely a possibility.

As I approach my early 50s I had a talk with my daughter. She has always loved how I decorate….but Christmas wears her….she wants a real tree….she wants paper stars….she wants homemade caramel and Christmas colored lights outside…..

This is her last Christmas before she goes away….and the sorrow that fills my heart that I’ve been consumed with how my home looks rather than asking her how she feels about it….brings me great sadness.

My children hated carrying up the 30 plus containers of decor….and I always thought the magic I created made it worth it….and while others enjoyed it….my children did not. The “magic” that I created just represented to them a lot of work….and a stressed out Mom who wanted nothing but perfection.

So this Christmas I listened…..

And I donated this…..

And when I decorate….I will probably go through even more…..

I donated over half…..

I am starting to learn to turn off the noise of constant things we must have to be good mothers….to be fashionable and to be “current trends.”

I have unplugged some social media, turned to thrifting and reading and gardening and embroidery….and audible in the car.

The stress is leaving…..quiet content is following me…

My dahlias are thriving

My creative juices are flowing once again….

Projects around the house are being completed….clutter is leaving….

I find amazing things at the thrift store that absolutely no one else has….

I wish I would have learned how to do this better in my 30s…..I wish I would not have cared about what others felt or said to me

Why did I feel that I needed so much praise and needed everyone to be in awe when they walked through my door?

Now….they feel “cozy” when they walk in….they are comfortable…..they even say it….they love how my home makes them feel….

I have made constant changes to make my home be comfortable for guests…..because isn’t that what it is all about?

Giving the best to those who enter your home….not those who just watch your life through a small screen.

Yesterday morning, I got up and got ready for a very small skin cancer surgery that was to be followed by a manicure and pedicure….instead it ended with my husband yelling for me to come downstairs….the yell that means….run.

Our daughter had fainted and the next hour was a little chaotic . Turns out she’s hypoglycemic and she made a full recovery but it was quite scary.

Finally made it into work and the day from there was somewhat uneventful. Then I received another phone call from the nursing home.

My mother was seated at the table and seemed calm enough. She wanted to see my Dad and wondered why he hadn’t come to visit her….I tried to change the subject and sometimes I was successful….she wanted to go back to her room and I hear a nurse yelling at another patient. My Mother is in a unit were the dementia patients are. This you g nurse is yelling at an older gentleman who is clearly confused. She was being very condescending in her tone….and I just couldn’t be silent. Even though this nurse was three times the size of me….I thought of my Dad….and that this was someone’s Dad….and I wasn’t going to stand for it. I tried a calm approach…and asked if she could speak more kindly to him and perhaps not yell…..

The response was more shocking than the behavior. The young nurse”nurse” and I use that term loosely…..told me she wasn’t shouting at him….he’s hard of hearing…..then she used this phrase “don’t be coming after me bro”. I just about lost my mind and I said bro? Bro? I am NOT your bro. My Mother this whole time was like….come back in here….which made me wonder if she to was scared of this lovely “nurse.”

I immediately went to the car to get my phone and call the directors which I did and they wanted to know the name of this “nurse”. I had never seen her before….so I asked her her name and she told me and then she said to me “ don’t come at me with attitude.” Seriously…..that’s what she said. I told her the director wanted her name….thats why I was asking and I then told the other nurses that I did not want this young lady anywhere near my mother.

In case you are not aware my Mother is at one of the nicest nursing homes I have ever seen. The nurses are very sweet to her….thats why this one stood out to me so much.

I am still Fuming about it this morning…..but I am thankful for a new day….

And this morning I went and picked my newest Dahlias…..a new start to a new day!

Stand up for the weak….don’t be scared to do what is right.

As I sit here enjoying camping…and some of the last moments of the season, I have decided to change some things in my life…..

For over 20 years I have made every holiday amazingly beautiful as well as our store. I don’t say this in vanity….I have been told this….

However, every year I am stressed….and I am tired…and running a retail store makes it even harder.

This year….stay with me as I go where I have never gone before!

I have always been bold with patterns. Raised in a beige house where everything had to match at all times I have longed for more in my adulthood….I have done this with my home and my wardrobe…

Perhaps it happens in your 50s when you no longer seem to care what others necessarily think…I am not sure…

Stay with me through the holidays….best ever I promise!